to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
