Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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