Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You can't just leave with hair like that
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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