You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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