The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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