What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
