Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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