The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
