Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
