her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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