It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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