I puked a lego.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
