Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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