Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
