I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize