Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
