Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
