you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
