paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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