mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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