You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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