Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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