omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
