I think I just saw someone hide a body.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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