Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
