I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
