i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
