So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize