So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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