ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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