Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
