i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
