my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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