Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
