1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
jump out the window naked night went bad
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
