Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
