Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize