Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My dick has a subreddit
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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