Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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