Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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