If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
