her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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