oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
