Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
