So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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