a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
