I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
