An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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