You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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