When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All the doctor said was why
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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