Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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