I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
