Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
