Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
