my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
