it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
