And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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