Whod you bang
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I want a musical about memes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
