I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
