what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
