I think i peed on brittanys purse
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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