HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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