the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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