All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize