you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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