I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
