So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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