dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize