Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
