Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
