Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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