Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
