I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
