I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
