How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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