I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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