I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
