What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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