areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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