omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
