did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
