im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
