I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
