i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
