Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
