He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
