I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
