Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
